Monday, December 28, 2009

Nearing the end of a decade...

Almost there!
I've been lucky enough to experience the 1990sas a child, even though amost of my memories of the American culture of the time was just before the turn of the century and is skewed by memories of terrible Britney Spears and NSYNC music.
Alas, I am lucky enough to have experienced two roman decades and am glad to see this one pass with Bang, in my life anyway.
I mean, honestly what a way to end not only the year but the decade! I've figured out what I want to do with my life (kinda), I'm about to finish my Highschool Education, I have an amazing Girlfriend, I have the greatest group of friends ever and all is good on the home front.

I also saw some really good movies this year! In fact Saturday I met Emma at the theatre to see Joel Silver & Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes.
On a side note, props to Alec by the way, more on that later.
Anyway, onto the film!
When I heard about him making a Sherlock Holmes movie I got pretty excited. That was last year.
It was done beautifully; from the CGI and all the other work that created turn of the century London to the creation of the young Sherlock Holmes and John Watson, and their comical brother-like relationship.
First off, I've always pictured Sherlock Holmes and Watson as younger men than normally portrayed since I first read a Study in Scarlet by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Holmes is described as a young and very brilliant inventor who was ignorant of common knowledge and extremely irrational; however, a walking library of unique wisdom and logic. John Watson describes himself as a veteran shaken by the war in India, clearly tough, strong, a far shorter fuse than his friend Holmes. What I'm trying to say is that Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law were simple perfect for the rolls and Rachel McAdams as Irene Adler was funny. Just funny.
Secondly, the C.G.I. was magnificent, from the unfinished Westminster Bridge and other scenery and atmosphere to every explosion and close detail shot requiring that extra digital detail.
The movie was a fair mix of action, mystery, suspense and humor, so, yes. I liked the movie and so did Emma; win-win.
Alas, there were aspects of the film that I think lacked detail or were too forward on the "hint-hint" side of things, while other aspects of the film, like comedy, could have been taken down just a notch and the suspense could have been a bit more epic.
Then again, I just saw Avatar, as well, so....
As a final note, the end of the film pretty much sold tickets to it's sequel if the Producers have signed a contract; so, while I'm not waiting for it, I will be expecting another Sherlock Holmes movie in the next two years.

On a side note, one of the producer of Holmes was Joel Silver, a man who I am personally a fan of for his masterpiece that was the Matrix Series. He's done all the Matrix related stuff, V for Vendetta, Speedracer, Ninja Assassin and... Predator and Predator 2.
I just saw Avatar, the latest work of James Cameron who did Titanic, the Terminator series, and directed Aliens. Aliens was a part of a series based from a 1976 film called Alien created by Gordon Carroll, David Giler and Walter Hill.
Alien and Predator were combined by Walter Hill, David Giler and Gordon Carrol, and also by John Davis who worked on the Predator Series.
Beware the Slime: it's a lot worse than you would expect.

So, I haven't talk about music in a while and given my taste changes on a monthly basis I think it's time to recap on the seasons.
Since moving to Missouri almost a year ago, my hatred of Country Pop and Country Rock has been enforced by the majority of Country Music stations coming down from the bluff and out of Cape. Don't get me wrong! I like bluegrass, I like Johnny Cash, I like older versions of modern country, but I can not stand to hear another song about "knockin' boots", pick-up trucks, Chevys or beer & whiskey!
I've also become a huge fan of a man named David Vandervelde who I discovered through the Nooma videos (produced by Flannel) and woman named Brie Stoner. A very mellow yet lively kind of indie rock I really enjoy. I've gotten into the Album Leaf and that's also rekindled my taste in Mogwai and Tristeza.
On the classical, or traditional, side of the field I've gained a love over the year of Bear McCreary, a score composer who did the work for Caprica, Battlestar Galactica, Terminator: Sarah Conner Chronicles and other shows. His unique and very near-eastern influence music is very beautiful and really pulled me into the world of Galactica, as cheesy as that sounds. Definitely check him out, search him on Youtube, try a couple songs.
Thanks to my friends Kyle and Larry, I've also gotten into Metal again with Vanna, Underoath, Otherwise, Demon Hunter and some other bands. That has also pushed me into Christian Rock recently as well! I've been listening to a lot of Flyleaf, Disciple, Skillet, Thousand Foot Crutch, Third Day, Falling Up, Plumb, Kutless, Newsboys, Toby Mac. All have a really good sound.
In the last month I've been listening to a bit of the combined of the above with more 80s music, Japanese rock music (L'Arc~en~Ciel, Asian Kung Fu Generation, Dir en Grey), Alternative Rock out of the U.K. (Franz Ferdinand, Gorillaz[well, kinda]), and a bunch of Placebo (as always).

So, if you don't know me in person and you don't pay attention then you may not have realized that I am an Otaku (Japanese for nerd, essentially; thus a nerd who like Manga, Anime, anything associated with Japan) who loves Manga.
Also, I've always considered myself a Artist since I was, like, ... seven. I've always enjoyed drawing, painting and creating stories.
Even at one point in time, I wanted to be a mangaka or a cartoonist, which was a rather long living dream that still has some shadows in my goals today; I continue to write a three year going project that I call my novel and I want to begin making art again.
So, today I'm going to talk about a mangaka I'm great fan of:
I've begun reading a manga called Bakuman with art by one of my favourite mangaka named Obata Takeshi (小畑 健) with his long time partner Tsugumi Ohba; and, ironically enough, Bakuman is a Manga about two boys who dream of being Mangaka.
I've been a fan of Obata Takeshi since I started reading Manga. In fact, the first manga I ever read was Hikaru-no-Go which had the artwork of Obata and story by Yumi Hotta. Hikaru was a coming of age story about a boy named Hikaru who would become a Professional Go player. Needless to say that story inspired me to learn the game of Go, which has since been my favourite strategy board game older than just a few centuries (Milleniums actually). I even made my own board.
Before Bakuman, Ohba and Obata created Deathnote, a VERY popular (and "wordy") manga and the reference of many jokes about everything from psychos to emos to sugar loving ... L-like-people....
Takeshi Obata has also been the mentor of other Mangaka who's work I'm rather fond of; like Kentaro Yabuki, creator of another favourite manga of mine called Black Cat, and Nobuhiro Watsuki, who created Rurouni Kenshin and Busou Renkin.
Black Cat is about an unusual sweeper (bounty hunter) who has ties with the syndicate and gets pulled into a deep, dark adventure by shadows of his past.
Kenshin is samurai themed story about a former killer from the Bakumatsu whos become a wanderer bent of helping people.
Busou Renkin is about a guy named Kazuki Muto who gets himself mixed up in a world of Alchemy and Homunculi! FUN!
So yes, I am a fan of Obata Takeshi.
A bit random but I wanted to share some of my Otaku knowledge.

So anyway with the random shout of:
ihsaratiM oknA
ikustaniM ayaS

So, to cap off this blog, I think I'll say again that 2009 has been a big year. My life, philosophy, politics and faith as evolved a lot in the time since I've moved.
I've met a lot of interesting people and made some of the greatest friends a guy could ever ask for, even if they don't live in Missouri (you know who you are).
It's clear to see my music taste has change and so has my writing, and even if that sounds silly to most, that's pretty important to me.
My outlook on faith, how ever unstable it was last year, has drastically changed and become stronger and more Christ-like, I think, and that's what matters in some sense.
After all, I came here not knowing what I would do or how I would gain new company; now, I know what I'm supposed to do and it would allow me to pursue my other dreams as well; and I have wonderful friends, the type you can trust, and this month has been so unusual and yet so amazing.
I look to the new year.

So with that I bid you you, good bye!
Remember to do good work and may God bless you.

Shalom & Raya,
Brent Matthew Lillard

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Writing Beta 1

So, if any of you pay attention, you know I enjoy writing and that I've spent a great deal of time writing a work of fiction which I have only referred to as my novel for two years.

I wanted to talk a little bit about what writing is to me and the way I write, maybe get some practice in as well.

So, let's start with my novel's setting:
It's a Scientific Romance or Fantasy that takes place at no specified time period possibly millions of years in the future where humanity, after many apocalypses, has taken a hard reset and is no as advanced as we are.
While this society is not technically advanced they are physically more advanced in evolution. For example most people live to be a Hundred thirty five years old, there are being with highly concentrated awareness of time, space and spirituality who (kind of like a prophet?), and there are races or bloodlines that are physically stronger, faster and more war like.

I enjoy Scientific Romance, but that doesn't mean I'm going to use lasers and lightsabre-nunchaku, oh no, I prefer a trebuchet or dual dao. (split Chinese broad sword)

No a setting, isn't what's important to me. Personally, I prefer character driven stories that don't lay out a black (evil) and white (good) perspective of a world; i.e. there is no hero, no villain but a single world split by forces who want the same thing but have very different ideas and ideals as to how it should be done, then once there is in place a key story create a world around it.
To create the conflict around a world broken world would be like creating an epic film and polarizing the humanity of the story into an amplified version of reality.

Now, because my story is only at the half way point I'm not going to give out any details as what it's about, I'm not stupid (much), but I will demonstrate my writing style:

First a concept: A group of lower class teenagers making the best of life even if they don't have the benefits of living in an advance society.

Second a primary character named Cole Ellington-Martin, he's sixteen and works as a laborer, he's good with his hands and has a girlfriend who is dirty blonde. He has a conflicted past for his parents were divorced and he was passed back from from an abusive mother who was once an Militia Sergeant (see, already making the world) and his alcoholic depressed father who never helped his son even though he heard the cries of help.
Third, some more Characters:
Byrum Elliot Smith is an in the closet homosexual (suggests that this world looks down on homosexuality) who is best friends with Cole and spend most of his time smoking pot and hanging out with Cole at the work place (A suggests the legality might be different in their world or that they live in a loose community). Always wear's a charcoal gray fedora, never talks about his family, considers Cole his only family most of the time.
Tristan Darlene Reidel is Cole's girlfriend and she comes from a rich family but hates the aristocracy of it all and spends most of her time avoid them and her aids so she can just get away with Byrum and Cole. Sometimes only Cole, it gets cold on the weekend.

Forth comes the setting:
I'm going to say they live in place like Nowhere, Kansas but they live in a country run by an Aristocratic Government (crude oil, war and socialism at it's worst, an idealist's nightmare) that gives all the coastal prime land and military support to those who pay for it and those who live in Nowhere are stuck with a volunteer Militia. The Aristocracy is a bit more advance than we are but in Nowhere there is not so much high tech juice and more broken down Chevys.

Fifth comes the writing and deciding on a perspective. Standardly, most stories are written either from first or third person (with other choices below third person) but I like to toy around with the unconventional like using both or even second person to really mess with your head.
I prefer first person because it's very human, it comes quite literally from the perspective of the main character and you can get a personality from them.
So let's begin:

From an outsider's perspective we were just pukes living in the dust bowl that was Old Obtain City in the Crescent Province. Farmers and sons of laborers who used to work in the tank factories back in war time were the only people that lived here. Not that I really care what those rich nothoi thought of us, I had the time of my life in those parts, no military, no money, no rules.
The smell of oil and gasoline was the in the air as me and Byrum pushed the old Jeep out of the mud as Tristan lean against the door of the shop shaking her head at our methodical madness.
"You two jacks can't do anything without making a mess, can you?" She laughed rolling her eyes as I shot her nasty look before letting off the tail gate, as did Byrum as we stepped back from the mud and examined it.
It was one of those genius moments where I let Cox park a car I've spent weeks on. Well, that's not say he's always incompetent, he does amazing body work until you get near him and an air powered ANYTHING, my arm was still in a sling from the drill accident.
"Well, Cole," Byrum, standing beside me, put his arm over my shoulders to rest before giving a great sigh, "Now what?"
I looked at the two metric tons of jeep and wiped the sweat from my forehead, "Get in the driver's seat and let on the throttle when I say, Trill,"
She pulled her hair from her face and pushed herself off the door and ran over to the right side of the jeep and got in.
"Okay, let's do this," I said, shrugging Byrum off me before I heard a loud roar from the engine and before I knew it the two of us were hit by a wall of mud.
Mud, as thought by rich folk, is something we militia children dwell in. No, motor oil and grease, but not mud.
"The hell are you doing?" Shouted Byrum running for cover behind me and as I covered my face till the rev of the engine calmed.
I lowered my arm, seeing past to the blonde in the driver's seat, "You were saying, about making a mess?" I said before looking behind me at my friend crouching for safety.
She smiled at me and sat back down into her seat, giving me a thumbs up as I walked over to the to the tail gate and leaned against it, as did my huskier friend.
Byrum ran his hand through his short black hair and peeked over the tail gate, "On tria?" I nodded and she placed his hand to the bumper.
"Give it some petrol," I shouted and she slowly began revving up the engine and I looked at Byrum and began, "Ena... duo... tria!"
We both push as the wheels turned and mud whipped past our legs. With great thud and a loud roar the jeep practically jumped from the hole as we fell in it before the Jeep sped across the dirt parking lot before spinning and burning out into the wooden fence across to a dust veiled stop.
I scrambled from the mud and ran into the dust cloud to the empty vehicle. I ran around and jumped the fence beyond the screen to find Trill on her knees in the grass.
"Yeshua Messia," I sighed running to her so I could help, "are you okay?"
"I'm fine!" She barked and I stepped back.
"That had to be going at least eighty," I chuckled in hysteria as she helped herself to her feet.
"Next time," She said looking at her shaking arms, "you drive and I count to drei."
End of scene.

So I don't know what that was about, entirely, so I may return to this and revise and add onto it.
I've been wanting a side project to practice when I can't seen to write for the main project so this was fun.
Sorry about the random.
Thanks for reading.

Do good work.
May God Bless.
Shalom and Raya.

Brent Matthiew Lillard

Monday, December 21, 2009

Polyphemus and Chicago

So in the last three days I've watched two excellent movies.

I'm going to start with today's movie, Public Enemies. Starring one of my favourite actors the handsome and talent Johnny Depp and a new favourite of mine, Christian Bale.
It's kind of funny to combine the words Historical and Action in the same sentence; however, this one made for a very action packed and period correct film.
Johnny Depp did an amazing job of portraying one of my favourite bank robbers from the 1930s, John Dillinger, as an what appeared to be an anarchist who would stop at nothing to gain what he wanted: Fun, Guns, Fast Cars and his woman which eventually led him to his end.
Although I've never liked the figure that was Melvin Purvis, Christian Bale also did wonderful at portray the resolved G-Man that chased Dillinger like a cat after a very FAST mouse.
The action was exciting, , the atmosphere of the world made it fell like mid depression Chicago and the acting was good as always.
As a final note, that man who shot and killed Dillinger, Charles Winstead, was played the blue Eyed wonder that is Stephen Lang...

On the subject of Stephen Lang this leads the other movie, which I am STILL stoked about, after seeing it.
During the Youth Shopping trip me, my friends, my girlfriend and my youthleader (I think miss ADHD, Major, was there too) went to see Avatar.
In James Cameron's AVATAR, Stephen Lang plays the ever resolved military mind that is Colonel Miles Quaritch.

In a local system called Alpha Centauri A there is an earth sized moon orbiting a gas giant, Polyphemus; and this moon is called Pandora.
Where do I start? The world.
James Cameron did an amazing and beautiful job of bring to life a lush, epic, living and breathing (and thinking?) world that was so very different from Earth and yet so tempting and familiar that my friends and I still want to go to Pandora and become one of the blue skinned, and in tune with nature, Na'vi!
In concept this story examined the importance of maintaining and preserving the environment, the dangers of greed and, even prejudice and genocide set a a realistic science fiction enviroment making for a thought provoking and very entertaining film epic.
The CGI in this film was astonishing and really created a world unlike earth while still appearing unbelievably realistic even in the most hectic action sequences and in the closest calm shots. I mean it's relatively easy to put a gas giant with other moons in the methane rich sky, it's another thing to have giant reptile birds that you pug your braid into and fly between floating mountains.
Another thing I always keep an eye out for in continuity errors. They had it as perfect as a film can be from the Pandora being a super massive organic computer (like a human brain?) to Colonel Quaritch running out of the facility, holding his breath as he shot his gun, exposing himself to the methane, carbon dioxide and ammonia rich atmosphere, before gasping into an oxygen mask.
On the subject of the world, the Navi people were a beautiful and advanced primitive race that I envy. (nuffsed)
So with all the technical stuff aside, even though I haven't even scratched the surface, the movie was incredible and I'd be willing to see it again because it was amazing on the big screen.
I should probably go see it in 3D; because, from what I've read they used a new Stereoscopic camera that mimics human eyesight to film the entire movie and given that home 3D sucks, theatre is the way to go.
Either way, I suggest you go see Avatar while it's still in Theatres.

So, thank you for reading.
Do good work.
May God Bless.
Brent Matthew Lillard

Friday, December 18, 2009

I've wingin' it, BO'Y

So I'm not sure what to say this time except I'm excited about tomorrow.

I know I don't talk about my life much so here's a slice of life:
I'm excited about tomorrow because I go to Cape Girardeau with my friends for the Youth Group shopping trip.
I mean, I need to get out of this house for a while and what better than spending the day with my friends at the mall?
Ironically enough I come from Hampton Roads, Virginia where every other city has a fair sized mall complete with a Macy's, Bookstore, Sears, and J. C. Penny; however, since I moved here almost a year ago I have not set foot into the mall at Cape any farther than the Barnes & Noble's Manga/Science-Fiction section.
So, needless to say, I'll not be taking on this journey alone.
Alas, I don't do the Christmas present thing with most people simply because for the past two years Christmas has been untraditional and I've found I much prefer a peaceful, quiet Christmas focused to prayer, thanks and Jesus than a traditional, even though I love a nice Christmas Tree; But, back to what I was saying, I'm not big on presents and I'm hurting for cash (that cold, green-backed, folding stuff) so I'm shopping for a very chosen few.
Which means I've got to think hard, because I'm not good at gift giving.
Also, today, I cut my hand on a computer part, that's lovely.....

On a tech note I heard a rumors that Google has finally released a Beta of Chrome for Macintosh! I'd been waiting for this day to come for a long while before I finally I sat down and installed the Developer's version. I've actually found I prefer the developer's version simply because it's updated weekly as apposed to Monthly (Beta) so I'm sticking to the Dev channels of both Mac and PC.
But, in all seriousness, I've been using Chrome on Leopard for months, now, and I've gotten maybe two crashes during it's use so why wait so long to release the beta? I mean, honestly, do they really expect biased or unexperienced computer users to download an opensource browser, especially a beta?

But I digress....
On my PC I have begun using the extensions for Chrome and, to my surprise, they are very good!
They're lightweight and very useful. Here on the one's I particularly like:
AdThwart - This blocks unwanted and annoying Ads on everything from Facebook, MySpace, YouTube. My favourite extension ever, to be honest.
Google Mail Checker - Gives me a button on the toolbar that shows how many letters are in my GMail inbox and if I click the button it opens my GMail inbox. If you already have GMail open in another tab, it will take you to that tab. I like this because on my Mac, I have an SSB Fluid App in my Dock dedicated to GMail. (I dislike Apple's Mail application)
Google Calendar Checker - I've found, after having three operating systems fail (one windows, two Macs), that it's safer to have my agenda saved in the cloud and not on my computer. So, I use Google Calendar as my primary agenda and just let iCal sync with it so I can get it on my Mac and iPod; however, since I don't have a calendar program on my PC that syncs with it I've found having a small icon in my toolbar that will take me directly to my calendar or show me how much free time until my next event is handy.
XMarks Thumbnails - It does pretty much what any userscript can do on any other browser (just without the help of Grease Monkey) by adding a picture preview of websites on your Google search results. This is a feature I miss about using userscripts in Firefox.
SmoothScroll - Purely an aesthetic choice. I never use a mouse on my MacBook Pro because I love the multi-touch so one of the things I really like about it is that when I scroll using the multi-touch it's always smooth. It's silly, but I like having this tool around to keep the paging flowing nice and smooth, instead of jerky like most of the time with a scroll wheel. It can also be calibrated so that's pretty handy depending on your system.

As a closer I'm going to bring back a piece of software I mention a few months ago from called LogonStudio which is used to modify the logon GUI in windows.
It's purely cosmetic and permanent because it just changes the text and Bitmap images in the LogonUI.exe application. (I think, I'm guessing.)
I used it before to lesser degree so I could have a simple white background but since then I've refit the GUI to my Windows XP again so I figured I refit the Logon UI again as well.
So I thought I'd share.
If you want to spruce up you Logon screen, this is definitely the way to do it. You can change it then uninstall the program and it will remain the way you made it.

As for tomorrow and my dismay as to what movie to see I've come to the conclusion with Emma to go see Avatar.
I haven't seen a Jame's Cameron movie in a while. I mean, Titanic came out when I was, like, five and the first two Terminators were way back in the eighties!
So, while I'm afraid to see Terminator: Salvation (because I'd probably really like it), it looks like a good science-fiction and action film and I am getting a slight Halo vibe from the trailers I've seen, which peaks my curiosity even more.

So that is all until next time.
So, remember to do good work.
May God Bless.
Brent Matthew Lillard

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Liabilities and Glee

Does anyone remember a time when you could take a hair drier to your I.D. and change the date on it, go out and then buy yourself a packet of cigarettes and the old guy across the cupboard wouldn't pay you no thought?
Now you can't change your IDs, they've tightened the rules, the Iranian guy behind the glass doesn't play that game and you're stuck getting told by your hood friend that he's a liability he's buys for you.
What a way to start a story, eh? I'm not sure wear that came from because for one I don't do that shtick.
But it's true, though.
I mean, in my short lifetime I've seen a time when you could get a on a plane with your shoes tied and then within three years half the nation is complaining that T.S.A. are a pain in the neck because they're trying to keep people from stabbing the pilot in the neck with a ballpoint pen.

Well, it's almost Christmas and almost year 10 and I got a wall scroll as a calendar for when my BSG calendar becomes invalid. Yeah, the year flew by and things are just starting to look up in multiple angles, but it's cool. I'm enjoying it.

On a entertainment note I've started watching two television shows, on hulu, ofcourse.
After much evangelizing from my local friends, my Virginia friends, my internet friends and girlfriend I sat down and started watching Heroes and, to my surprise, I like it.
It's a character drama more than it's an action show, which is what I like.
While each character has his or her own problems and stories they are intertwined into a greater story.

Infact, just the other night I was discussing the character Hiro with my friend:
He has truly the most powerful ability of all. Sylar only has a single natural power, I gather, and that's his intelect and understanding of Machines, organic, mechanical or otherwise, so he can simply take powers. but Hiro can change everything with little effort if he tried, and with that he needs and has wisdom. He understands powers more than Samual, Bennet or Sylar, but on a different level.
I've narrowed the scope two those four characters as the deciding factors of the show:
Bennet wants good form all humans with Abilities even though has none.
Samuel wants good for humans with abilities because he has one, but he has an agenda.
Sylar is the anarchist, but he's the smartest of them all.
Hiro is honorable and can control time and space, thus everything, but wants good for ALL humans.

Now that I have over analyzed an NBC show let's move to Fox.

Through the efforts of fewer friends, and Shane, I also watched the last five episodes of Glee.
I like Glee. It's character driven, it has amazing covers, musical and geeky references, and a crazy coach named Sue.
My favourite characters, if you haven't guessed, are Kurt Hummel and Puck.
I loved the finale and enjoyed the first episode I watched (Episode 9, Wheels), in which Kurt sings Defying Gravity from Wicked. His voice is amazing and that combined with the cult classic that is Wicked makes for a happy me.
Kurt's father is such a man, yet he's a good father.
Can not wait till next season.

Looking forward, major, to December 27th when I go to see Sherlock Holmes. It Looks So Good!
Robert Downey, Jr. looks exactly how I always pictured the young and extraordinary Sherlock Holmes in turn of the century London and Jude Law appears exactly how I always imagined the war torn veteran, Dr. John H. Watson, when I read A Study In Scarlet by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
From what I gather it looks clever, funny, serious, exciting and totally steam punk!
While I've never seen a Director Guy Ritchie film (I'm kind of glad I haven't because he's the one who did Swept Away and Snatch) I am a fan of Producer Joel Silver who's done action films such as V for Vendetta, The Matrix Trilogy, the Animatrix, Speed Racer, and the more recent title Ninja Assassin.
Yeah, only the first three were pretty serious stories (can't speak for Ninja Assassin, I haven't seen it, but want to just for the action) but his style is very impressive and whiplash causing, so I look forward to it.

Haven't decided what I'm going to seen while in cape, I'm kind of trying to keep it PG-13 but like I said the only real movie I want to see before the end of the year is Holmes.
In 2010 I look forward to Tim Burtin's Alice in Wonderland and Daybreakers, directed by Peter and Michael Spierig.

I'm going to close now because I need a shower before Synago, so remember to do good work.
May God Bless.

Brent Matthew Lillard
Twitter = @SAKUTOnoSai

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

IS it just me or Myspace beginning die a slow painful death....

IS it just me or Myspace beginning die a slow painful death before it's veteran users?
I log in and the old layout is gone, but, luckily, Myspace's HTML week Profiles still maintain their class appeal.
Though with the loss of the Profile view editor it appears Veteran users like me who prefer the old style either have to go with a lame generic HTML paste in code or write our own code.
Nothing against myspace, it still holds strong with a certain crowd but I have to say I'm more of a Facebook user, now.
I know a company like Myspace will not likely die a fast death, it may take another decade, but I think it will die slowly before Facebook.
Then again I could be crazy like those morons who were screaming "DEATH OF YOUTUBE!" like Mr. Hitler himself had jumped out of his vegan made, yet some how not kosher, birthday cake at the U.N. building and his Manson like cult over threw the world powers with the help of the Illuminati, chased only by Tom Hanks, only to be squashed by Inglorious Bastards.
By the way, that was an excellent movie! Brad Pitt cracked me up in that one!
Anyway, that's my two cents.
[For those on Myspace,] If you wish to keep intouch with me or my weekly blog it's probably better to subscribe to my main Blog at or if I know you from in person or by web you request my friendship on FaceBook.
Just search Brent Matthew Lillard because Brent Lillard is a coder of greater skill.
I've talked to Brent Lillard, he's an awesome dude.
He's from Virginia, too, go figure!

May God Bless, Do Good Work, Shalom!
Brent MATTHEW Lillard (@Sakutonosai)

Booking Face

One of my many issues with Internet Social Networking sites has always been the "About Me" section. I never knew exactly how to describe myself in just a few paragraphs, much less a one liner. I don't want to say I'm normal, that's boring and I've never quite fit in anyway, and I can't very well say I'm an all out Nerd for it's 1956 stereotype.

I was changing my Facebook data this morning since I woke up at an ungodly hour and can't sleep and i'm quite proud of myself:

So, basically, I'm that guy who people talk to about their issues, but even though have all this dirt on folks I never tell a soul unless theirs a clear mutual knowledge. I'm also that nerd who really thinks realistic science fiction is amazing and is an Otaku for good Shojo or Shonen Manga, Anime, Sushi and dropping obscure references like "Ride my Wind?". I'm mostly funny when I don't try, but have inherited from my father the ability to drop obscure one liners. Needless to say I don't watch television but I have enjoyed a couples shows here and there but often watch weekly podcasts. I love music of all forms and all times, but prefer indie.
Yes, I believe. In fact I'm quite a spiritual Christian, but not a fan of religion for what it's caused but I don't talk politics unless sarcastically insulting a person who is too outspoken about either side of the fence, but I do openly support the troops for I have been surrounded by the military.
On a side note I like play around with Computers and Electronics, hardware and software, and as being an Artist and writer as well enjoying experimental cooking I consider myself a Hacker, as defined by Bre Pettis.
I am Brent Matthew Lillard.

But yeah, I'm proud of that so I'm goign to carry that over to my much forgotten MySpace, even though there is like no one left there to read my profile..... Hmmm.....

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Hello folks!
So I am having an unusual and good week.

Today I took the G.E.D. Pretest and I got a passing score which means after about ten months of studying, I'm ready to take the G.E.D. Exam and pass it.
That's awesome news!
That combined with all the other stuff that makes me bouncy has me STOKED about December and January!
What a way to end a year!
So on the Ninth of January 2010 I will take and PASS the G.E.D. test!

So here's the deal I saw this movie on sunday with Emma and Eleshia and more friends.

Yes, New Moon.
Having read the books, which by no means are excelent literature I have to say this much. I liked the movie up until they saved Edward.
Yes, I was rooting for Jacob all through New Moon. I feel for the puppy.
But otherwise I was actually impressed the movie for several reasons:
1. They stayed true to the story and didn't miss a detail. So with very minor cuts the story was unchanged.
1.1: My biggest beef with story changes and cuts from the story is because of the Movie version of the Harry Potter Series in which after Prisoner of Azkaban, which missed many key points, they began changing some of the base structure of the Story. I find understandable because as we saw in the most recent installment they stayed true to the feel and meaning to Harry Potter.
2. The music, much like the first film, was excellent and although it was different to fit the story of this particular installment it captured the same eerie vibe that the first soundtrack did with a little retro rock vibe.
3. The exposure of the film and the look and feel of Forks, and Italy for that matter, was quite beautiful and smooth. It looked ghastly yet natural.
3.1: I'm a bit of photography buff so when I see a well done movie or photograph in the way of atmosphere, I have to give it credit.
4. CGI was amazing. They did an excellent job of the Werewolves and, like most well done films, the CGI was seamless with the environment. I especially love the montage where the police are hunting wolves and the wolves save Harry Clearwater from Victoria, the music in that scene was also good.
5. The action sequences were excellent, from the madness of Jasper to the Victoria scaring Harry Clearwater to death everything was well done.
7. It makes a good film all together. I was actually impressed, I thought I'd be disappointed.

So, mock me if you will (I'm watching you, Jennifer). But I think it makes a wonderful movie and does very well in capturing the book.

And people, please. We know Bobby Pattinson is a pretty, pretty man with a nice voice and some acting skills, BUT HE DOESN'T REALLY SPARKLE!!!!!

As a side note, My pocket watch has finally died.
While it served me well, having to wind it every three hours, it's clockwork has finally given way to a rough, long life.
It's the last watch that belonged to my dad that stilled worked. But alas, all good machines must come to an end.
Now I need to attain a new time piece..... hmm.....

Has anyone ever seen P.S. I Love You, a 2007 film by director Richard LaGravenese?
Well, it's a cute "chick flick", as it were, with my favourite Scottish Actor, Gerard Butler. (See "300" Zack Snyder & "Phantom of the Opera" Joel Schumacher)
Anyway, my Mother-Unit while unpacking boxes from the moving, discovered a mothers days present for 2008 and the card to go with it from my father who had passed away in December of 2007.
I just thought that was interesting that after two years he's still giving gifts for Christmas.
My father was a very interesting man in the sense that this is exactly the sort of thing that would happen in his presence.

Those are three little things I wanted to share.
Thanks for reading.
May God Bless, Do Good Work, Shalom.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

New Blog Design

While I'm not fluent in many other languages, sometimes lost in even english, I do know web code in the form of Javascript, CSS, and mostly HTML5 and XHTML.
Starting back when I still thought Myspace was hot stuff I reverse engineered the basics like embedding images, font colours, font sizing, line breaking and how to use tags.
Example 1: using what I learned a couple years ago
Example 2: using what I've learned since 2008
Over time, after playing with Microsoft Frontpage and teaching myself I've figured out most of what I need to know to create a website, which I tried for a while but never kept it up.
I'll wait till I find a need then go to SquareSpace.

So when I decided to start using blogger as my primary blog I was unhappy with the layout designs they had went straight to the HTML template and reverse engineered it till I knew what was what and VIOLA! This my blog!
Now I've revamepd this a couple times, and if you're reading on Facebook or an RSS reader you're probably wondering what I'm talking about.
My blog, *\^_^/*, is hosted at "" and that's where I design my own style for the structure and colour. I prefer back end work to WYSIWYG editors or Moo Tools.

Anyway I spent forever trying to perfect this layout as far at the page structure goes, because that's the most important part besides a minimal (or over the top, if that's your thing) colour scheme.
You see, the standard blogger layout I think is like 700 pixels in width and, although that works for some people, that's not my thing. I like room for the picture I include from time and I'm just not a fan of thin web pages. I like to take advantage of at least 900 pixels of screen real estate. I often have Chrome open at around that width anyway.

But I understand that some people like to use some extra screen real estate for other things, as do I.
So, I work it out in the code to get the page structure to shrink with the window. That's easy.

#main-wrapper {

#sidebare-wrapper {

The results are simplistic and get the job done, however due the code involved in the original HTML template I based this one off of there were some issues.
As you shrunk the width of the page down the main wrapper would shrink as did it's contentswhile the side bar's contents ended up vanishing...
That took some more working out.
So finally after some trial and error and work out how to get it to shrink down properly. I also set a maximum width for the page at 1000 pixels so if the window maximizes the contents of the pages stops growing and stays on the right side of the window leaving a nice 280p of buffer space on the left side.
Go ahead, try it.
But anyway, I've also set the colour scheme to a more minimal dark and pink scheme which was easier set because I've gotten a handle on hexadecimal colour code.

I have to admit I got some inspiration from DestroyToday, Jonnie Hallman's blog, for it's minimalist and "easy on the eyes" dark design.

Anyway, enough geeking out, thanks for reading!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Rant, Rant, Bitch and Review!

Okay, so I often refer to myself as bitch because of my propensity to whine among other reasons.
Well, here's the skinny, this weeks blog is about whining and ranting! I try not to, but why not dedicate one blog to trivial rants?

First off all, you know those boxes on different website that say "Write something about yourself..."?
For example, on the sidebar of my Facebook profile there is one of those stupid boxes.
What am suppose to say? That I have terribly cut hair that I'm letting grow long to donate to people who don't have hair in a couple years or that I want to study first century and ancient mythology and about Judaism as well as learn Greek and Hebrew in a study to become a pastor who just so happens to be writing a pair of post-apocalyptic novels that talk of anarchy, murder, pansexuality, war, false deities, and polygamy?
I think not, but I will be posted in there in a more shorten version!

As a note the stories I'm writing aren't that much a heresy. It actually is about liberation, freedom, leadership, accepting other cultures as well examining different government types and religious views and the Empire Model in a world thousands upon thousands of years after a doomsday.
It just sounds really bad when you describe it like I did up there.

So upon much thought on my political and religious views some could say it's contradictory to claim I belong to any specified "religious view" since I don't believe in religious ritualism and I claim my personal political views as Anarchist. But then again that's contradictory since I also claim to believe in Tribalism, which is opposite to Anarchism in many ways with out examination in practice. Anarchism and Tribalism has been seen successful in practice among American Indian. So you could say that me striving to follow Jesus' teaching and claiming to yearn for a Christ-Like mentality isn't too much a contradiction with being against religion since Jesus never meant to create "a religion", Per-Se.

After all the first Christians were very much Anarchists to the Jewish religion of the time, whilst amongst themselves and to others they showed compassion and had a form of Tribalism amongst each other.

No extra rules, just spread the love of God, because the way you love others IS the way you love God.
Contrary to popular belief, the Rabi named Jehoshua was and still is radical compare to the way most people live.

Yes, so life is good, actually.

However, I do wish I had the soundtrack to the game Fragile Dreams: Farewll Ruins of the Moon, which is a Japanese Wii Game by Namco.

That was Random

So moving right along I've been playing this free indie PC game called Iji for a week in my free time and it is fun! Multiple endings, great soundtrack (if you download the High Quality Soundtrack), great story either way you play it.
I play it as a pacifist and so far I have the "Tasen" (One of two alien races in the game) on my side.

On less nerdy note, let's talk music, since my life comes last since I don't like talking about my day to day life online, Creepers.
I've been listening to a mix of stuff like David Vandervelde, IKILLPXLS, Weezer, Placebo, some Chip tunes and what not.
David Vandervelde has a very indie and raw sound that I really dig. His music always catches my ear ever since I saw the first Nooma video at my Youth Group. A lot of his stuff is licensed by Secretly Canadian and you can download some of his songs to get a feel for his genre at their website:
IKILLPXLS is a game inspired nerdcore meets techno artist who's song "Mega Love Gun" is the opening theme for the internet show ByteJacker, recently adopted by the Revision3 Network. Most of his music is free to download on his site at:
My favourites are "Mega Love Gun", "3D Lover" and "Blocks In The Sky".
Weezer is pretty frickin' awesome. I'm almost always in the mood to kick back to Jamie or Island in the Sun. but I was recently told of Weezer cover album by a bunch of Chiptune Artists. So I looked into it and downloaded it. My personal favourite are the lyrical songs: "Jamie" by Unicorn Dream Attack, "Why Bother?" by I Fight Dragons and "Hash Pipe" by seal of quality.
This Album is under the Creative Commons License so that means as long as you follow the rules you are free to use the songs.
Find Weezer - The 8-bit Album at Pterodactyl Squad's website:
Placebo my favourite emo-screamo post-punk band from London EVER! Yeah, it's an awesome band with an awesome lead singer (Brian Molko) who's voice is an Acquired taste, like certain alcoholic beverages.
Yeah if you haven't check this group out on Imeem or Pandora, if you like it go to iTunes or Amazon.
Rammstein has been a long time favourite of mine since my birth-mother, Barbi, introduced them to me. They released a new album in October of this year and I've finally got around to listening to some of the songs.
There first single is both controversial and hysterical so go check out their Album "Liebe ist für alle da" (Love is there for everyone) and rock out.
I'm sure it's for sale on iTunes and I'm sure you can find a place to stream it online to decided whether or not to buy or not.

Finally, I've been working with a few other Youtubers on a big Collaborative project and I'm aiming to launch it sometime around New Years or Christmas. I'll give more details when I can but it's really starting to look good since we have, now, three capable actors for the three roles we've created.
I will say this much, it is a form of Drama and it deals with Real Life Situations. The base story is strong and the back and forward story is deep. I look forward to beginning filming and doing the on location stuff next year with Caeleigh.
My Youtube, by the way, can be found at:

As always, thank you for reading and may God bless, don't forget to do good work,
Brent Matthew Lillard

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Rhythm of Life

A lot of you, I'm sure, have heard the term "Rhythm of Life" which is older than dirt, or life itself since I think dirt came first.
Well, I take this term quite literally.
In my previous blogs I've talked about living life in the now, not be trapped in a plan but letting things go with the flow, late fate decide in essence.
Not that believe directly in fate or predestination. I believe that things aren't predestined, but I do believe that things will always turn out the way their supposed to, but that's another blog.
By going with the flow I kind mean that my life has a rhythm, no matter what the circumstances. I guess I could apply this to my out look to what I believe God is.
That meaning since I believe that God enters into our universe as a form of energy that is more powerful than anything physical. This creative energy is born in all humans (my version of "And let us make Man in our Image" from the Creation Poem in Genesis) and we have a limitless bounty of it in form of love, chi and being. This energy, no matter what happens, I can always feel it and it has rhythm, a melody with which I've always heard playing the notes of my life.
Even now as I seem to drift off shore I can hear the music playing louder and I understand what I need and want.
In the physical realm, my life has a literal rhythm as well!
Music is a massive part of my life, I always listen to music and varying styles and forms. From Ludwig Beethoven to Rammstein to Brie Stoner to Placebo to L'Arc~en~Ciel to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart I treasure the massive art form of music.
You guys should know this since I commonly write about the music I've been listening to and since I'm currently writing a few songs.
I'd say the soundtrack of my life would probably settle right into Indie Rock.

So on this subject let's get to the music I'm liking.
I've been searching around for some Brie Stoner music and I finally found some.
Brie Stoner is an Indie Rock artist who works with David Vandervelde and did some music for the Nooma Series.
So my current iTunes playlist for the month is basically:
Playlist: 006 Dream
Lips like Morphine - Kill Hannah-
Eyes on Fire- Blue Foundation-
Heaven Weeps- David Vandervelde-
Rain- Brie Stoner-
Jacket- David Vandervelde-
Interrupted- Brie Stoner-
I Don't Live in a Dream- Jackie Greene-
Can You Love Me- Brie Stoner-
Lazarus- Placebo-
Allison's Ghost- Brie Stoner

Normally an iTunes update isn't something I'd blog about, but the 9 version is pretty radsome!Speaking of playlists I downloaded the new iTunes 9 yesterday after watching Buzz Out Loud, CNET, and I'm loving it!

Yes, I did just type that.
But seriously!
I'm digging the whole glossy look and the white background in tile mode but the coolest change is the Hom Sharing option!
The first thing I had to try was using my Mac (which was empty of music) to access and stream music from the windows box over the internet.
It also made transferring my library from the PC to the Mac ten times easier, though I may, at a later date, wipe the mac's iTunes just copy the iTunes Music folder from the PC, because a lot of the artwork was lost and I'm OCD about that.

I have had some issues with crashing ewhen I try to sync up my iPod on the box, but hopefully they'll wrapp that up in the next update (9.0.1?)
Oh and for reference, yes that is XP you're seeing in the picture I've just hacked the visual settings.

Speaking of which I'd like add a final note on a program I tried out from StarDock.Com called LogonStudio.
The Logon screen in Windows XP* can get old. I take that back, it is OLD!
I've heard many reviews about the program LogonStudio which, I extrapolate, fiddles with the Logon UI and allows you to do all sorts of stuff like change the background/bar/logo bitman images, the colours, and some aspects of the layout.
I did that myself and was very pleased with it.
I also uninstalled the program afterwards and found that change remained and seems to be permanent. This could be both good and bad thing so be very careful!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


My need, my hatred, my depression, my withdraw, my life.
Those are words I might use to describe being alone.

In a vast sense I've always looked at my life as alone and away from everyone else. No matter how close I've been I've always felt distant from the ones I associated and even loved.
I've always craved the company and companionship of others, I'm a bit of an extrovert in that I am energized by the company of those I love. No matter how depressed I get I can always laugh and laugh hard for those near me.
In the past few year I've found that because of my deepening depression since the events that created me that being alone I tend to think about things I shouldn't and things that make the first things worse like implausible possibilities that I sometimes find myself yearning for.
I hated that so I avoided being alone, I avoided thinking. But avoiding the issue isn't the answer. It just builds up until it hits a breaking point.
The avoidance and lack of outward emotion doesn't make for a good reaction. I reached a breaking point and tore apart everything in my life I could control and in the end I came out with a new set of emotions and feelings, almost. It seemed like everyone I cared for I didn't feel the same way for and I could 'see' things that I had missed so many times before.
This says a lot for a guy who wears glasses.
I've found I need that time alone to think, even if I spend a great deal thinking about things that are futile. I have to grieve things that meant something and let go, not just ignore it and carry it. I need to spend the time to think about the things that effect me now, because I live now, so I can move forward with my goals, no matter how abstract or unusual as they may be.
It may be a bit masochistic, but you could say I need the depression and pain as it is now or may be worse the next time.
Call me emotional if you want, I don't care.
I have feelings, and although that may make things harder, I'd rather be that guy who hurts himself rather than others.

When I'm alone, I get to write things like this.
I get to let go of what bothers me.

Brent Matthew Lillard

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sad, kind of.

I have returned...
I feel incomplete returning and only getting to see my Portsmouth friends and Joshie...
I would have liked to have seen the gang from the other direction like Kayla, Molly, Sarah, Becca and/or Blake....
On that note, is it just me or does it seem that I befriend more humans of the female male variety than male? Well I don't have problem with that considering I consider most of my own sex to be stereotypical and asinine, given the lack of self discipline towards our own impulses. Not all of us, but most.
Random human (and a little self) analysis. The R4ndomness continues with:

Song of the day is This Empty Love by Innerpartysystem

I plan to make a roache explode.

this is the end of my blog because I am so out of eeeeeeeeeeeet!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

From the Hotel

I am in Chesapeake, Virginia seeing my friends all week because we won the court case!!!
So, yesterday I hung out with the portsmouth crowd after dropping by my old place in Suffolk and visiting with the formerly "crazy neighbor child named Chico" who has grown a lot in the last six months.... No, seriously, he's HUGE! I was dumbstruck mid-sentance when it sunk through and hit me. I believe I said the equivalent of: "Well, I just came down fro- QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM!!!!!!!!!XKCD?! GAH! WHADAT!?! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!? YOU'RE TALLER! Mr. Not So Much Shorter!"
So, yeah! Give or take the massive awkward of spending the rest of the day with Cheri it was a lot of fun being in the company with Stevie, Adam[a], Jayme, Cheri and everyone!
Twas 5\/\/3333333337!!!
Today being Wednesday my Mother-Unit, my Aunt Cyndi, and myself went all about Chesapeake in search of money, the Taj Mahal (Chesapeake City Hall), Chesapeake Pizza (more on that in a moment), parking places and ice cream!On that note, if you are ever in Hampton Roads (Tidewater, Virginia Beach, Norfolk, essentially south east corner of Virginia) and in the city of Chesapeake there is wonderful little family owned pizza joint on in the Great Bridge area (Right near the Great Bridge Bridge on that exact road) called Chesapeake Pizza. Yummy Greek Salads and great Pizza. It's not mom and pop New York but it's great taste for Hampton Roads!
So to end this I was to say that it is burning up in this room so I am going to head out of here and back to the room.

As always thanks for reading, do good work and may God bless!

-Brent Matthew Lillard

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

One of those days where you black shirts need a wash

So it's one of those days when I haven't gotten more than an hour of sleep I pull off that shirt I'd been trying to squeeze a few days out of and realize that all my black shirts, even the three in my drawer need to be washed.
So I didn't get any sleep, my insomnia is kicking it again because I got very little in the past couple nights, as well.
So, yes, I'm sitting shirtless typing a blog and the temperature today has gone down to 21º (62ºF) so I'm a bit chilly. Luckily, I'm warmer than most people, so I'm not a damn Vampire, folks!

With that in mind I'd like to start off my blog on a technical note since I spent last night toying with many things, such as Google Desktop apps, twittering randomly, cleaning out my bookmarks and so on.
For those of you who use Google Desktop and iTunes I must suggest an app called GDieTunes(MOD) Version 1.1. It's very nice and pretty and works like a charm.

Now a short paragraph about the music I'm listening to. More recently I've been listening to a guy of YouTube called Ronald Jenkees who is a brilliant independent song writer and pianist, so go check him out at and Youtube. Personals favorite is Guitar Sound.
As far more mainstream goes, or indie, I've been listening to Chairlift, Death Cab for Cutie, Smashing Pumpkins and The Brokenmusicbox.
Speaking of Brokenmusicbox watch this vimeo video I found through the DestroyToday blog because it has excellent music, is very interesting to photography and shop fan as myself and is great combination of sound and video:
Okay so that video makes me smile. Why I don't know, but lets move on!

So I believe today I will make salsa and eat it, take a walk to make a list of the closest inns and maybe make some more Skype calls as per usual.

On the subject of Skype my name is Sakuto-no-Sai if you want to get a hold of me quickly and my twitter is @Sakutonosai.

That's all I wanted to share for today so as usual have a nice day, good health, do good work and may God bless.

-Brent Matthew Lillard

Sunday, July 19, 2009


I was sitting and thinking, I do that a lot these days.
I think about lots of things.
Life, death, the future, suicide, God, philosophy, theology, geometry, computers, what I want, what I crave, who I love.
I was thinking about my future and what I wanted to do with my life.
Right now, I stand a crossroad faced with conflict with friends and family, the pain that's been escalating for ten years and inevitable truth I'm going to hurt someone I care about very soon.
And then there's the tragedy called Career, where am I going, what am I going to do?
Will I become a developer of software and make plenty and more than enough, or will I continue to play hacker and study on my own about software and electronic technology and follow my dream, thus making little money at all or do I become a soldier or perhaps a minister of the eastern faith that is Christianity.
Do I give up on what gives me solid "perfect" future or do I take a chance at what I want and fall in love with a life I wont know until it's finished.
I'm done with everything I had set as my goals, I want more than that now.
I don't want to tie myself down, I wont do that. I want to be able to exist and follow the path I need to follow at that time.
I wont let the people who say they need me when they don't stop anymore, even if it hurts them at the time, because if I keep living a lie, I'll hurt them more in the long run.
I wont let my plans vanquish my dreams and even if I can't make more than a living, I'll keep trying, because I'll keep living.
Søren Kierkegaard, a danish philosopher once said that a saint is the person who will the one thing.
I know the one thing, so I'm going to chase it with the flexibility to be distracted by the dreams and the crossroads that appear.
You may not understand, but that's okay, you don't need to.

May God Bless, Do Good Work and I Love You.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Where Ever You Go, There You Are

I was starting a new Chapter in a story I'm writing and I opened my Merriam-Webster Thesaurus and out of the first few pages pops out a postcard. But, it's not just any postcard, it's a photograph of Main Street United Methodist Church, a beautiful church located on North Main in Suffolk, Virginia.
And this is kind of symbolic for me because that was essentially one of my Home Churches and I hadn't gone there in about six or seven months because I had moved.
When I moved I had to leave pretty much everything I knew as a part of my then present life.
My friends, the friends I still call my "True Family", the ocean, average sized cities, Downtown Suffolk, eighty-one Acres, my cat.
And since I had moved a lot had changed.
I started going to another United Methodist Church, where the Youth Group welcomed me with open arms almost.
My Mother-Unit, Barbara, began to live again, but as different person than I remembered from a year ago.
I had started working on getting my G.E.D.
I've seen more rain than I had ever seen in Virginia in a period of seven months.
I had recently decided that there were somethings in my life that needed desperately to change, so I'm trying.
Even my outlook on God had drastically changed.

So after all that and more that had happened, I'm starting a new chapter in a long story that I'm writing and there lies in my lap this photograph of church that was once my home, but now seems so far away, just seven months ago and it is a part of a completly different chapter in my life.

It's ironic how life can change so drastically in short periods of time.
I used to spend time thinking about the past, basically living in a time when my life was simple and easy.
But my life will never change back to what it was, not even what it was, say, five weeks ago.

My father used to say that there would come a time when he wasn't around me to talk to or to hug, that time came and it can never go back.

And I can't live in the future, because you never what's going to happen.

I want become a pastor, a philosopher, but also want learn more about the growing technology, the opensource comunity that's striving to put technology back into the hands of the average Joe Blow. But, half way through college I could decide I want to join the Airforce or the Army and drop everything to follow that calling.

I might end up back in Virginia, but then go to New York or Missouri or even Germany. or maybe Israel.

Or I could die. Die from Cancer in a few years or months, have an alergic reaction, get food poisoning, or I could get hit by a car tomorrow.

The point is I want to Live now, I want to live the life God has for me on this day in this second. I hate sitting still, unless I need to think.

As far as music goes I'm currently listening to some opensource Nerdcore.
A group called Pronobozo, who I discovered through the show Hak.5, do a sort of rap meets techno type music that they've put under the Creative Commons License so that others can use, remix or/and redistribute their music freely is the group currently in my sights with the songs:

0. Song - Album
1. Time Frame - Zero = One = Everything
2. Sniper - Zero = One = Everything
3. Reinvent - Zero = One = Everything

Following up with a Nu Metal group called Deftones that's been around since 1988 that produce these songs that I like:

4. Mein - Saturday Night Wrists
5. Xerces - Saturday Night Wrists

Still listening to some David Vandervelde as well, the songs on the list this week are:

6. Wisdom from a Tree - The Moonstation House Band
7. Heaven Weeps

The last three songs on my list are "officially" done by a Fictional Indie Metal Band, if there could be such a thing, called Deathmøle. Created in my second favourite webcomic called Questionable Content by characters Marten and Amir, the creator of QC, Jeph Jaques, has been making Deathmøle MP3 tracks with his own guitar and audio programs for a while, making entire albums which he has for download at his site for free.

8. Test (Crashed) - Amps
9. Useless Proverb - Trial Period
10. Bones

As always thank you for read, do good work and may God bless,

-Brent Lillard