Sunday, July 19, 2009


I was sitting and thinking, I do that a lot these days.
I think about lots of things.
Life, death, the future, suicide, God, philosophy, theology, geometry, computers, what I want, what I crave, who I love.
I was thinking about my future and what I wanted to do with my life.
Right now, I stand a crossroad faced with conflict with friends and family, the pain that's been escalating for ten years and inevitable truth I'm going to hurt someone I care about very soon.
And then there's the tragedy called Career, where am I going, what am I going to do?
Will I become a developer of software and make plenty and more than enough, or will I continue to play hacker and study on my own about software and electronic technology and follow my dream, thus making little money at all or do I become a soldier or perhaps a minister of the eastern faith that is Christianity.
Do I give up on what gives me solid "perfect" future or do I take a chance at what I want and fall in love with a life I wont know until it's finished.
I'm done with everything I had set as my goals, I want more than that now.
I don't want to tie myself down, I wont do that. I want to be able to exist and follow the path I need to follow at that time.
I wont let the people who say they need me when they don't stop anymore, even if it hurts them at the time, because if I keep living a lie, I'll hurt them more in the long run.
I wont let my plans vanquish my dreams and even if I can't make more than a living, I'll keep trying, because I'll keep living.
Søren Kierkegaard, a danish philosopher once said that a saint is the person who will the one thing.
I know the one thing, so I'm going to chase it with the flexibility to be distracted by the dreams and the crossroads that appear.
You may not understand, but that's okay, you don't need to.

May God Bless, Do Good Work and I Love You.

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