Thursday, September 10, 2009

Rhythm of Life

A lot of you, I'm sure, have heard the term "Rhythm of Life" which is older than dirt, or life itself since I think dirt came first.
Well, I take this term quite literally.
In my previous blogs I've talked about living life in the now, not be trapped in a plan but letting things go with the flow, late fate decide in essence.
Not that believe directly in fate or predestination. I believe that things aren't predestined, but I do believe that things will always turn out the way their supposed to, but that's another blog.
By going with the flow I kind mean that my life has a rhythm, no matter what the circumstances. I guess I could apply this to my out look to what I believe God is.
That meaning since I believe that God enters into our universe as a form of energy that is more powerful than anything physical. This creative energy is born in all humans (my version of "And let us make Man in our Image" from the Creation Poem in Genesis) and we have a limitless bounty of it in form of love, chi and being. This energy, no matter what happens, I can always feel it and it has rhythm, a melody with which I've always heard playing the notes of my life.
Even now as I seem to drift off shore I can hear the music playing louder and I understand what I need and want.
In the physical realm, my life has a literal rhythm as well!
Music is a massive part of my life, I always listen to music and varying styles and forms. From Ludwig Beethoven to Rammstein to Brie Stoner to Placebo to L'Arc~en~Ciel to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart I treasure the massive art form of music.
You guys should know this since I commonly write about the music I've been listening to and since I'm currently writing a few songs.
I'd say the soundtrack of my life would probably settle right into Indie Rock.

So on this subject let's get to the music I'm liking.
I've been searching around for some Brie Stoner music and I finally found some.
Brie Stoner is an Indie Rock artist who works with David Vandervelde and did some music for the Nooma Series.
So my current iTunes playlist for the month is basically:
Playlist: 006 Dream
Lips like Morphine - Kill Hannah-
Eyes on Fire- Blue Foundation-
Heaven Weeps- David Vandervelde-
Rain- Brie Stoner-
Jacket- David Vandervelde-
Interrupted- Brie Stoner-
I Don't Live in a Dream- Jackie Greene-
Can You Love Me- Brie Stoner-
Lazarus- Placebo-
Allison's Ghost- Brie Stoner

Normally an iTunes update isn't something I'd blog about, but the 9 version is pretty radsome!Speaking of playlists I downloaded the new iTunes 9 yesterday after watching Buzz Out Loud, CNET, and I'm loving it!

Yes, I did just type that.
But seriously!
I'm digging the whole glossy look and the white background in tile mode but the coolest change is the Hom Sharing option!
The first thing I had to try was using my Mac (which was empty of music) to access and stream music from the windows box over the internet.
It also made transferring my library from the PC to the Mac ten times easier, though I may, at a later date, wipe the mac's iTunes just copy the iTunes Music folder from the PC, because a lot of the artwork was lost and I'm OCD about that.

I have had some issues with crashing ewhen I try to sync up my iPod on the box, but hopefully they'll wrapp that up in the next update (9.0.1?)
Oh and for reference, yes that is XP you're seeing in the picture I've just hacked the visual settings.

Speaking of which I'd like add a final note on a program I tried out from StarDock.Com called LogonStudio.
The Logon screen in Windows XP* can get old. I take that back, it is OLD!
I've heard many reviews about the program LogonStudio which, I extrapolate, fiddles with the Logon UI and allows you to do all sorts of stuff like change the background/bar/logo bitman images, the colours, and some aspects of the layout.
I did that myself and was very pleased with it.
I also uninstalled the program afterwards and found that change remained and seems to be permanent. This could be both good and bad thing so be very careful!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


My need, my hatred, my depression, my withdraw, my life.
Those are words I might use to describe being alone.

In a vast sense I've always looked at my life as alone and away from everyone else. No matter how close I've been I've always felt distant from the ones I associated and even loved.
I've always craved the company and companionship of others, I'm a bit of an extrovert in that I am energized by the company of those I love. No matter how depressed I get I can always laugh and laugh hard for those near me.
In the past few year I've found that because of my deepening depression since the events that created me that being alone I tend to think about things I shouldn't and things that make the first things worse like implausible possibilities that I sometimes find myself yearning for.
I hated that so I avoided being alone, I avoided thinking. But avoiding the issue isn't the answer. It just builds up until it hits a breaking point.
The avoidance and lack of outward emotion doesn't make for a good reaction. I reached a breaking point and tore apart everything in my life I could control and in the end I came out with a new set of emotions and feelings, almost. It seemed like everyone I cared for I didn't feel the same way for and I could 'see' things that I had missed so many times before.
This says a lot for a guy who wears glasses.
I've found I need that time alone to think, even if I spend a great deal thinking about things that are futile. I have to grieve things that meant something and let go, not just ignore it and carry it. I need to spend the time to think about the things that effect me now, because I live now, so I can move forward with my goals, no matter how abstract or unusual as they may be.
It may be a bit masochistic, but you could say I need the depression and pain as it is now or may be worse the next time.
Call me emotional if you want, I don't care.
I have feelings, and although that may make things harder, I'd rather be that guy who hurts himself rather than others.

When I'm alone, I get to write things like this.
I get to let go of what bothers me.

Brent Matthew Lillard