Friday, February 26, 2010

Life is good!

Wow, I'm actually going to talk about life!Life is good!
Things are pretty cool around here. (Literally and yet I've been running around in short sleeves for some stupid reason)
As far youth life goes, we've got a lock in coming up in Cape which I'm excited about. Though, as for other things I've got to do at church, I have to come up with a lesson for our Sunday School class in a few weeks. I've been studying the sermon on the mount recently and I think I've narrowed the subjects down to either Judgment and Equality or Searching (wanting, craving for answers, questions, challenges, good, ect.). I've got several verses from Matthew, Luke and Mark on both topics.
[This was the point where I was dragged off on lovely family matters]
[One House Later]
Okay, so that was a lovely little jont. Got a sandwich, some some relatives, got paraded, talked to my Girlfriend. Guess which part was my favourite.... ? ... ? ... Yeah, sandwich came in second.
No, seriously. As awkward as I am on the phone, I still enjoy talking to certain few people on the phone.
So not to bore you with the family business.... Yesterday i was to the Westpark in Cape to do some shopping. I required a new suit jacket or sports coat and some dress shoes, but while I was there I also a new book I'd been wanting to read for a long time.
Nineteen Eighty-Four; George Orwell's prophetic novel about a reversed utopia.
I'm going to have spend some time soaking in this classic.
I mean, yes, I'm already reading an eBook, but I'm tackling that at slightly slower pace.
Currently, I'm already reading Rob Bell's "Velvet Elvis, Repainting the Christian Faith". It's a really good examination of faith, I've been enjoying it. Ofcourse, I only have it as an eBook so I've been stuck to the PC when it comes to that book.
I think when I'm finished with that one I'm going to read his more recent "Drops like Stars". Though, "Sex God" looks interesting, I already attribute sexuality as a part of spirituality and vise-versa, basically as intertwining forces on the human agenda.
Plus, creativity and and suffering, the subjects of "Drops like Stars", have always been categories of my interest.
Sexuality was the catagory of my interest before I came out to myself as a pansexual.
As a person whose big on equality, sexuality willl always be in my interests; but more along the lines of sexual equality and respect as well as honesty to one's self about one's sexuality. All forms of equality are important to me, (race, sex, sexuality, gender identity, religion, appearance, so on) but that's one that hits close to home. End of rant.
Next Rant:
So yesterday my Macbook made the click of death and the Hard drive went kaput! Meaning I need to send it in again. I called Apple and I'm sending it off to them in a couples days.
Luckily, I mostly use the Macbook for cloud based things and for using iTunes. So I didn't lose much.
I mean, all my music was just then synced to my iPod, so I can save it. My calendar in iCal was merely synced with my Google Calendar, so nothing was lost there. All the pictures in iPhoto are backed up as actual images on my iPod. Really the only real hassle once I get it back will be manually inputing contacts and organizing iTunes and Adium. Though I did lose a couple movies, but I can handbrake them again since I own the DVDs.

So now that I've said all that's on my mind, I'm going to again leave you with a a final word:


Thunk you.

Raya + Shalom,
Brent Matthew Lillard

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Trying to line up my life with music....

As time has passed in the past three years, my perception of time and my capability to remember anything prior to 2008 has become mixed and often hard for me to interpret.
But if there is one thing that can help me put things in order, it is music.
Whether it be my memories, as mixed and disordered as they have become, or my imagination, in which I have created fantastic worlds to write about, music has always grounded my mind to something tangible, understandable and quite often indescribable.

So my earliest memory, which is, I believe, my third Christmas when I got the coolest Star Wars toy of 1995 EVER!
When I was growing up my Mom would play classic Rock & Roll from the 1950s and occasionally modern country. Anybody remember a song by the Chordettes called "Lollipop" released in 1958?
It is quite possibly the first song that comes to mind besides lullabies. Also another song that comes to mind is Earth Angel or Teenager in Love.
Wow, it just occurred that song hits a lot closer to home now that I'm "technically" (but not really) an adult... Weird.
I also gained a hatred of Modern Country music during the first ten or twelve years of my life, though I do love older country an modern Australian country music. Hopefully in this decade we say good by the beer, the boobs and the Chevys.
Also growing up in a neighborhood that slowly becoming a predominately black block (no pun intended) as we neared the turn of the century I was exposed to a lot of Rap, a particular style of rap that I currently acknowledge as underground rap. As time has gone on I have gained a taste for artists like Jason Derulo, but I prefer turn of the century hip-hop. Not nineties by any means of the imagination. Oh dear.... Will Smith, I love your acting, but those were some loud coloured clothes.
A random memory from just before we moved in 2001, I think, was i was studying in the Kitchen and my Dad comes inside the house like theres a fire in the house and says turn on the television.
The Twin Towers, as I had known them at the time, had been hit each by a airliner and we collapsing. I was nine, I think.
So I moved.
I don't think I have to tell you how much my Dad influenced my life.
Myy dad had introduced me to Classical music. Quite possibly one of my favourite genres of music. Through him I gained a love for Beethoven and Otterino Respigi, after several years.
Time passed, I gained a love of hymns and some rock music.
Through my Dad's taste in music I learned to love Jazz and Big Band music as well as soundtracks and scores to many movies, like Star Trek.
During the early part of the decade I also gained an interest in the mainstream punk music.
My Dad had a sister who lives in Danville and there I also gained a liking to Blue Grass, a very raw and acoustic kind of music that actually effects my taste in Indie music today.
On the subject of Indie music let's jump ahead to when my life began.
Well, during one Christmas, I think, my Birthmom, Barbara, introduced me to a whole new world of music, to my eyes. Early Nineties rock, Trance and Industrial Metal in one evening.
Today, I have the entire Rammstein Discography, I totally dig DJ Tiesto and Paul Oakenfold, and I'm totally into Radiohead and Alien Ant Farm.
Since then I've also explored Eighties Music, I love Queen. Rest in Holy Peace, Freddie Mercury.
In 2007 I met two sisters whose names both started with the letter A. I'm not good with names or faces. But, in time, I memorized them to the point, I couldn't forget if I tried. Now one of them had a twin brother who changed my life in several way. When I met him, he was wild, total metal head, full of energy to move forward with his life and kick some Arab ass. Today, he's still full of energy, has a worse memory than I, gets himself blown up on a regular basis, is still a total metal head and probably the greatest and most loyal friend, even after more a year of not seeing him, I have ever had the pleasure of keeping.
In the world of music he introduced me Heavy Metal. The likes of which I had never heard. I have to say, it was an aquired taste that I aquired within two hours of listening time.
Disturbed and Slipknot, at the time, seemed to be his primary interests, and Disturbed is definitely one of my favourite bands. Infact, ironically, I recently gave a slew of disturbed music to my Girlfriend, because she said she liked the style.
In the world of "being social" my best friend introduced me to a girl. Well, no. He knew the girl, and by extension two of her friend's who were the daughters of the teacher of a class where I met the girl for the first time. Then I got to know they knew each other. That school year was like an extended battle of the bulge.
Moving on.
I had a girlfriend and shortly before she became my girlfriend she burnt me a CD. The first many. It contained a song my Louis Armstrong which I had already loved called "What a Wonderful World" and it also introduced me to Paramore (CrushCrushCrush) and had the Madagascar version "I Like to Move It" (King Julian, Man!). (Did I mention "Cotton-Eyed Joe")
I liked this girl. She is spunky, full of character, full of mystery and at the time she was bossier than Murphy Brown before her morning cup of coffee.
Me and my Friend to this day can't figure out why I liked her, but I believe it's probably same reason I'm her friend again, especially now that she's not bossy anymore. (Oh, you know who you are! I will be merciless, dear.)
So moving forward with her bit, she continued to burn me compact discs. Each, but one, had a title and as they went on, they seemed to gain themes and emotions. And to this day when I listen to them, for some reason, it calls back the memories of that time. Which is awesome, because things were so simple back then.
I mean, I had just lost my father, I was struggling with my faith, I didn't even believe in God for a good period of time, I just pretended. But given the confusion, I was enjoying that time.
I gained an interest in everything from Blue October to Jame Blunt to Good Charlotte to the Beatles to the Barenaked Ladies to the Red Hot Chili Peppers to Franz Ferdinand.
It also revamped my taste in jazz. I love Frank Sinatra, or the whole rat pack!
Disorder, how very true.
Self Infliction
In this time period I was also introduced to Indie Music, quite possibly my favourite culture of music. It rides from raw meaningful happy songs, to very Swedish pop to chiptunes.
Don't judge... I'm a hipster, leave me alone....
As time passed I gained more interest in Christian rock as well. Thanks to that girlfriend, I gained a love Skillet which lead to my getting into ReD, Relient K, Building 429. Sicne then, I've leaned more towards Disciple, Falling up, Fireflight, Kutless.
For a short period of time I got into modern rap again thanks to a friend who I miss dearly. He also had a thing for Barry Manilow and Rod Stewart. Which, to this day, I just find that that's an odd trait for a Brothe'. I mean, I like both the artists. I'll admit it!
Okay, so this is Ironic. My Friend, the Soldier Boy I told you about earlier, knew the next girlfriend I had. But I met her by chance.
If you know me, you know I am an Otaku (Anime Nerd). I was a Youth Retreat when my friend couldn't make it and one of the staff members played a Song from an anime on violin. The Song was Bratja (Brothers, Kyoudai, ect.) from the anime Fullmetal Alchemist. At dinner that night I walked up to her table randomly, she happened to be sitting with some friends I'd made that afternoon.
I walked up and said "So you like Anime?"
According her, she turned around about to say "Go away!" but thought I was cute.
She did turn around and did, infact, have this expression of "wait, what?"
A few months later we began to go out.
In the world of music she extended my taste in music to a lot more trance and techno. Very bloody popular in the anime scene.
So I moved again.
To speed up the story about a year.
I met a young woman who I am incredibly and constantly curious about. I mean, at one time I was interested in her. Now, I'm just interested by her. So much potential. She's increased my knowledge of Christian music.
I met a Man who defines unique like no other man, save Eddie Izzard. Our taste in music is similar. It's kind of cool. It's first thing between the two of us that we connected on, now he knows enough to have me burn for witchcraft, that darn ninja!
I met two very interesting young men who really dig Heavy Metal. Vanna, Mudvayne, Otherwise, Demon Hunter, Underoath. The List goes on.
Another young man who gained my intrigue the moment I saw him (Who I referred to as Jasper for the expression he had at the moment) because he reminded me, in appearance, to that older brother on Boy Meets World. Thanks to him I got into Coldplay, Keane, Blue Oyster Cult. So on.
At some point last year I did some research and discovered Brie Stoner, David Vandervelde, and the Album Leaf. All of which took me back to Indie music.
So I still listening to Mogwai and Autolux.
All through out I've also gained a love for Middle Eastern music, Placebo (My Favourite band), Pop Music, Mainstrain rock.
I pretty much like anything.
Trying to come up will all this stuff was actually quite a lovely walk down memory lane. I mean there was lot more that I typed than is being posted.
I'm glad I did this.
If you know who you are and I've mention you. Anything and Everything I've said is said with love and I mean nothing offensive.

As usual, do good work, may God bless and Shalom.
Brent Matthew Lillard

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Message 001

Like crystal the sky shatters in blinding, undying, now trying light that glimmers in the eyes of peace makers, the word shapers, the emotion stealers, the idealists who wish only the brightest, the lightest of futures until this lightning of shadows had struck them and the blood runs black over the fallen sky.

Message 002

But when the shattered sky brightens on the cleansing dark blood that the alchemists, the pacifists, the passionate, the empaths can still walk past towards the above, towards the heavens, the valhallan mountains beyond those thundered fragments of the stars.