Wednesday, March 17, 2010


I've fallen, stared down black metal and become a hood ornament.
I have a friend who gets blown up as job description. He showed me God, when I didn't have a reason besides science to believe.
I've had a friend who illegally sold goods at gun point. He was one of my greatest boyfriends.
I had been told at least five times by this man that I was the reason that God kept him alive. When the time came that I didn't need him anymore, he died.
I've had my life changed by people who once thought their lives weren't worth the air they breathe.

I think every life is important. Every moment is important.
Because, whether God flowing among us giving us life in the fullest or we're doing everything on our own by mere chance or some god-like bloke is hiding behind a big black curtain pulling the levers of life, every moment in our lives leads to a certain place, somehow.
I live in Dexter, Missouri. A small town in the middle somewhere, Arkansas. A place of country music, some rap, pick up trucks, the stereotypical male meander-thal and farmer's daughter.
I grew up in Virginia, near a military base, raised by republican baptists, but I love Anime, Science Fiction, sushi, Greek food, heavy metal, 80s rock, Indie pop, J-Rock, techno, philosophy, theology, quantum physics and I am such a nerd.
What a weird boring place for me to land?
Character number one: The Philosophical Anti-Awkward and ultimate Anti-Bully. Most interesting human being you'll ever meet. He's not slow, but he takes his time, thinking about the crucial working of life inside, outside and in the fourth dimension of the comically correct box. So loyal, so true. I still have not heard him play, I need to at some point.
Character number two: total Otaku! Moved all over, likes sushi, J-rock, 80s music, strange food, science fiction, astronomy and me. And also the kind of person that underneath the joy, and violent tendencies is a loyalty unlike any other.
Character number three: A picture of compassion, loves heavy metal like no one I've ever met and has a weird thing for obscure techno and probably the most loyal and compassionate friend you'll meet.

I don't care if it's coincidence, life prepared me and brought me here and I will thank God for it.
I mean, chance or predestination, doesn't matter. By some odd coincidence I ended up here, and I believe there is purpose to this and purpose to everything that happened before.
But I'm a grain of salt on, not a beach, but a coast line.
There are seven billion of us, each with reason, each with purpose, each with importance.

Every moment is important to me, that's why spontaneity is so important to me. Planning ahead is over rated.
I mean, yeah, look for scholarships, look into colleges, plan financially and career wise. But don't forget that life changes on a dime and everything you know can vanish and life just evolved.
I live for the now, I have a plan, a ten year plan, but nothing is set in stone. I want to enjoy every minute of now.

Rant end.

Brent Matthew Lillard

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