Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Love and Hate...

"A new world upon this ancient civilization seems just above us, ready to swallow us if only we weren't in fear of our own miserable shortcomings that to the creator of such greatness is meaningless compared to our breath, that breath we breathe in our dreams, that we share in our kiss, that we speak with for our raya and agape. Because we cling to what we make of nothing, we see not that this is a new and primal beautiful existence in a new world that we haven't even realized has changed."
—Me, Brent Matthew Lillard

We are an ancient civilization living in a modern age on the brink of a new world. It's a cliff hanger, literally. We have a choice, each and everyone of us, to either take a chance and leap from this brink in hopes that we'll fly clear into the new world we have been given or to remain on this cliff as it collapses beneath our feet and they we destroy ourselves.
Unlike looking over such a canyon, there is no turning back, there is no ladder or mule.
Either way we could destroy ourselves, but if most of us are destroyed, then should the survivors or whatever is left be left knowing that we did nothing be harm or that we tried to evolve into something greater?
I leave that to you.

Onto a less general topic, I'd like to bring to your attention a post by one of my favourite Gay Rights activists, Bryan Leffew, from his blog, "Gay Family Values":

In a recent post labeled: Fundamentalists and Human Disconnect
The link/URL to which is: http://gayfamilyvalues.blogspot.com/2010/06/fundamentalists-and-human-disconnect.html

Bryan in his and his husband's constant eagle eye watch on gay rights and the political battles for equality came across a lovely sack of insane written by one, Bryan Fischer. Fischer being, of course, a fundamentalist christian extremist from the America Family Association.

To sum it up for you, his idea is that all fundamentalist families should have roughly four or more children, if physically possible. So that the next generation can not only replace their parents, but also out breed their homosexual/bisexual/etc. counterparts and in time retake the nation with their so called balanced "Judeo-Christian" values.

In his statement one paragraph reads like this:
And so we will have fulfilled Margaret Sanger’s dream: “more children from the fit.” (Of course, for the founder of Planned Parenthood “fit” meant “white,” which is why Adolph Hitler loved her. By “fit,” I mean parents, regardless of race, who are transmitting to their children the Judeo-Christian values on which America was built.) Who’d have thought that it would be conservative Christians who would bring her dream to realization?
This is wrong on so many levels. Fit? Hitler? Sanger? Where does Jesus even fit into that party?
This suggests that women are only for procreation, child bearing. That's demeaning and dehumanizing. About as dehumanizing as the concept of out breeding the liberals, "building [their] families and training up cultural warriors for the next generation" to overthrow the "Gay Agenda".
Adolph Hitler already tried that. He rounded up Jews, Polish, Blacks and Gays and tried to from a super nation for Catholic Pure race.
Thirdly, where do they think we come from? A "Cabbage Patch"? We're human, we're born in conservative families as much as liberal families. We don't choose this, we are. I was brought up in a very right-wing household that is still apposed to homosexuality, bisexuality and likely Transsexualism.
The likelihood is that within their huge breeding families one or more of the boys or girls will be gay, lesbian or bisexual, that's just the way it is.
I'm closeted, I don't want to be, but I am.
To tie this up, I would like to leave this subject with quote by Bryan Leffew in his blog post. Also I would like to ask you visit the blog post and read his take on it, he has the entire statement by Fischer in the post and the link is above.
"my email inbox is stuffed full of letters from 16 year olds living in conservative and fundamentalist communities asking for help in how to come out without losing everything. We do our best, but after a while it becomes hard to answer them all. They are your sons and daughters sitting quietly and dutifully in the church pews...they may never give you any idea that they are gay but they are dying inside and looking for a way out. They ccan not tell you because they fear losing you and all that they have ever known and believed themselves to be."—Bryan Leffew

"If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door in the country"—Harvey Milk
I hate that I have to remain closeted, but that's the way it is. I am lucky enough and I am incredibly blessed to have the people I do in my life who am and can be out to. Such as my youth leader, my girlfriend, my friends in the youth group I've participated in for the last year and my Aunt Cyndi. None of them judge me for my pansexuality, my attraction to both men and women and who a person is. Even more, it's not a secret, I couldn't care less. If I was thrown out then, so be it. It's better than living a lie. But as it stands, free food.

It's fear that drives these people, they are afraid of what they don't understand. I don't even understand it. I've struggled for ten years trying to understand why something so crucial and primal to my being can't be changed to make life easier.

Fear drives hate and I have found that love and hate are the same, only misunderstood.
You can't hate someone unless you love them enough to care that their doing something or that they are a certain way that you don't understand. So instead of giving into curiosity, they fear what they don't understand and try to fix it.

My dad always said, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Brent Matthew Lillard

Monday, June 28, 2010

Walking away like a drunk

So, tonight was and is great! I went to dinner at El Tap with my Girlfriend, Emma, and we talked for like three hours about the weirdest stuff.
Now I'm listening to Foo Fighters with the occasion Sean Lennon chaser, for that indie/psychodelic feel, chatting with my long time friend, Cheri, and writing a blog.
Overall good date, good Mexican food, great conversation, a good kiss, good friends and good music. Good night!

Anyway, recap!
So I went to New York and came back. I did a lot with Barbi (birth-momster) during the second week.
Visited High Point, an obelisk on top of a mountain where Pennsylvania, New York and New Jersey all meet.
Limped about the entire southern half of Central Park in one evening.
Had great Korean Barbecue.
Saw an awesome band in SoHo. (Strange Rivals) Very Psychodelic, I liked it.
Saw Phil, met Craig, met Gil who cut my hair.
Got a hair cut. Insert picture below.
Anyway, I may post some video (since I got so much) in the near future. But I'm like really lazy with my editting any more.


Well, I've run out of stuff to share, more to come later this week. Hopefully better content.

Love and peace,
Brent Matthew Lillard

Sunday, June 20, 2010


So, I am in New York in general areas around the city.
The plane was originally delayed for three hours and my connecting flights got change twice and when I got onto the Atlanta to laGuardia plane I was rushed and they forgot to scan my ticket meaning they did not know I was on the plane.
But, I made it alive.
Stayed the first night at Barbi's (Birth Mom) apartment in Jersey and we ate edamame and watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall and slept in after the long trip.
So a lot's happened through out the week.
Spent most of my week across the city near Suffolk, Long Island where my my Aunt lives.
It's been fun and enlightening.
I'm not really sure what to talk about this time, really.
Everything on this trip seems jumbled together as a great big pot of good
SO while I've been here I've enjoyed the food. I hardly ever get sushi these days so I got that Friday night with my Aunt and the day before I got my Greek fix as well.
Through out the week I've gone to the bookstores and I've bought some new books.
A hard copy of Velvet Elvis (Rob Bell), Solanin (a great 28 chapter manga by Inio Asano), MegaTokyo Volume 4 and some other stuff.

While I was at the Barnes & Noble in Jersey, when we were killing time before heading through the City (because for those who don't know, the traffic is unlike anything you've seen. If you've never driven it, you just don't know) to Long Island, I bought a manga one shot called Salonin which caught my eye by it's art style. So I pulled it down from the book shelf and read the back of it, liked the concept and bought it. It's a slice of life character story that starts about a young Japanese couple living in Tokyo after college. They both have part time jobs and struggle with owning an apartment and surviving in suc a fast pace city are not really quite sure what to do with their lives and really just want to drop the orthodox and do what they WANT! So they figure it all out and hold onto their not quite sane but extremely sweet romance.
I haven't finished it, but so far it's been really, really good and the art style is really refreshing.
It's a Viz Signatures graphic novel, and art and story is by Inio Asano.

I also was able to grab something while at the mall something I can add to the yet finished Go/Baduk board for Emma's birthday. I know it's like a month, but I never go to the Mall except maybe once every quarter, so I figured I would get it now.
Also got my Weekend video made yesterday for Seven Simple Minds, so no worries on that.
Last night I went out to dinner with Cyndi, my Aunt, and it was rather enlightening and reconnecting.

So anyway, I've stuff to do and I've still got another week to go.
So more details next weekend and that's all I wanted to share with you today.
So catch you next time.

Brent Matthew Lillard

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

New York, New Yooooork!

So I am about to leave my house for the airport up in Saint Louis.
I'm flying out to New Jersey to see my Aunt Cyndi (sister by law), her acquired family and my birth-mom (sister by law), Barbi.
I'm going alone and technically, because we don't fly that often (or we didn't used to) this is my first time flying alone.
But yes, I just finished packing and I am loading up my MacBook pro and all associated wires.
If by chance you see me, give me a holler, from across the room as I do wish to be warned before approached by a stranger. That can be very unnerving, you know.
Anyway, I must be on my way. I'll inform all of the remainder of the trip along the way via twitter and facebook. (http://www.facebook.com/BrentMatthewLillard)
Much love and may God bless.

Brent Matthew Lillard