Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Looking back, again

So I'm up late and really tired, about to crawl into bed. But I'm in a moment of creative enlightenment and wanted to get some writing done. Which I have finished and now I want to leave you with my thoughts.
I'm almost 19 years old. That's a bit unfathomable for me. I mean, I consider 100 years to be a short period of time. But the past three years alone have been massive.
Nearly three years ago I turn sixteen, I lost my father, I lost a lot things and gain new understanding. I fell in and out of love, became cognizant of what my father tried to teach me in his life, I made a ton of bad choices. But it lead me here.
It wasn't too long ago, but it feels like most of my life took place in those three years.
And now, I'm dating a sixteen year old, working in a factory, trying to get my driver's license and still writing that darn book from two and half years ago.

A lot of it has to do with my memory loss, or at least my ability to recollect. I don't remember what life was before 2008.
I remember flashes and occasional patterns. Like my Father's routines or his lessons and the monark butterfly whom I attribute his greatest lesson to. The cats. That one Christmas morning I got my Millenium Falcon model. Waking up, dressing in a suit for church only to realize it was Saturday. My Mother playing the Piano in our Dinning Room in Chesapeake. My Birth-mom, Barb, at the front door leaving or coming in. The black out shades in the guest bedroom where my Dad would sleep before the night shifts at the jail.

But Life in general, I can not grasp it anymore. It is unordered. confusing.

I've always had a knack for remembering odd dates, though.
I believe it was April 14, 2002 when my dad fell off a ladder.
The date November 25, 2006 rings a bell.
May 12, 2010 I kissed Emma.
Friday the 13th of May 2009, I was unpacking somethings and stuck superman poster to my wall of everything.
January 23, 2008 I told Jennifer Lynch that I liked her as more than a friend at the time.
June 6, 2010 reads in my head as 6600 and is the day me and Emma were dating for six months even. I didn't have the original date memorized until did the math.
December 24, 1995.
March, 2002 I went to see Ice Age with my Birth-mom, Barb.

A little weird, I know.

So I leave with that. I need sleep.
I take the driver's test in the morning.
I also leave you with the music below.

Brent Matthew Lillard

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