Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Short and sweet.

So I've started a new job a week ago to today, but today I was too sick and too weak to actually go. So I stayed home. I figure this gives me time to work on the Go Board, write the music I'd been wanting to start and also write a blog I'd been waiting to do.

My Job has had be working nine hour shifts as an auto-welder on the factory floor for seven days. Not extremely hard work, really. It's easy, but engaging. You have to think about it, cause if you mess up you ruin a good converter and that will make your set up guy more than a little upset.
If you f-up the machine then my superviser might kick me out.
So far I like my job. The Big boss man is cool and seems to push ambition. The Mr. boss-guy is funny, but he's a "no B.S." kind of guy. The set up guy is really good at teaching.
On my second day Big Boss Man told I would start auto-welding on my line permanently so on my third day I started. On Sunday I told my Boss Guy on the floor that I'd doing this and he upgraded me to Class 4, I think.
Either way, I got a twenty cent increase on my hourly wage and I like that.

So last night I was really nauseated and throw up a few times and didn't go to work. But this afternoon I feel a lot better. I ate something after I got some ragtime and around two I went to go buy my car. It's bright red and it's a chevy! It's perfect. Handles perfectly.
I really like it.

This morning, too, since i was home I got to chat with my Girlfriend, who has been in Germany visiting family. Said she's a having a good time. That was nice. I miss her, but working makes it feel like a lot more time has passed since last Friday. (7/23/10)

Though I try not talk about my relationship and mechanics of it too often on my blog, I am happy with her right now. I mean, I avoid the subject because I try to respect the privacy of her and everyone in my life who I may or may not refer to in my blogs. Hence my comments like "Just funny" or my recently out Bi friend who's name I haven't said.
It's kind of hard, really. This is about my feelings and I have lot towards the people in my life, especially Emma. So I have to think about what I want to say, what the other people might not want me to say and how I can work with both factors and still say what I want.
It's like my admittance of sexual frustrations. Yes, they exist. Yes, my relationship kind of adds to it. No, I wouldn't have it any other way. But that's all about me. It doesn't tell you exactly what it's about, or why I'm saying it. lol
But in short, I like what I have with her. I'm not afraid to say that. I like it a lot.
Feelings are hard for me, for anyone. I try to state what I feel and that in turn give me release. Calms me.
I try to do what calms my spirit, or quells the disquiet in my mind.
Like talking about my feelings, my cogitations, my theories in a blog. Keeping as few secrets about myself as possible. Staying open about what, who and why I am so that I don't have to worry. Taking long walks to think, imagine. Writing a story so unlike our own. Telling my friends what I think about their situations, being honest even when it's counterintuitive. Kissing Emma for one slow second. Standing in the middle of a cotton field and letting the breeze go by without even a thought of what's real. Laughing about something serious or just analyzing an aspect of humanity with my best friend, Rusty. Enjoying the silence. Creating something with my hands.
Those are all primal to me.
I think it's something I get from my Dad. He was an interesting one. He had this routine in the morning of waking up, going out the backdoor and driving to a local Gas Station to talk to the ladies who worked there as well as the truck drivers. He'd often be the one who reset the coffee machine cause it was jsut time when he came in. Then after those laughs he take his coffe home and sit on the back porch in the silence and read the paper and pet the kitty cats. He was a simple with a simple needs. He just needed to love his wife and children, that's all he wanted and that's what he got.
He also made carved and burnt canes. He never sold them, because he saw his tallent as a gift from God to use as a gift to others. He had a single cane of his own he called his Walking Talking Stick that we would joke is a totem pole, cause it told the story of his life. He added a carving for every aspect of his life. His Marriage, the Air Force, the Fire Department, the Sheriff's Department, Ballroom Dancing and at the bottom was his foundation, Jesus Christ.
He loved to do things that quieted his spirit. He would over-work himself in the garden during the hottest days in summer because he enjoyed it. He made that walking stick as both of testimony and something that calmed his mind. He loved those cats as I did, they were a reminder of God's grace. He had routine, as I have mine.
Routines are interesting. I'm gaining a new one with my Job, actually.
I wake up everyday at about 0415 when I get up and put on three pairs of socks and my boots, I turn on a show I like and eat breakfast, make a sandwich, fill up my water bottles and walk to work. When I get home, I take a cold shower, I sit back and work on the board then I try to find something to do before I eat and sleep again.
Routines are interesting, they show our quirks. Quirks are fun.

Brent Matthew Lillard

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